What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
