i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
