please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
