Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
