just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
