I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
