ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
