This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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