First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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