she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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