Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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