guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
