Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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