I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
