if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
