you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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