I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize