idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
