I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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