last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
