remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
