Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smell like Dick and happiness
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