If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
