My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
