You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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