It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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