I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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