This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
