Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
