So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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