it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
