i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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