At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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