I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
