I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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