frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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