Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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