If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
