I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
