oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
