If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
