brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
