Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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