The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
