i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
