Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
