but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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