3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
