Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
