I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Boobs speak an international language.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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