I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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