it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
