can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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