Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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