am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
