A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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