we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
