So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
