Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
