I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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