I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im holly from the hills drunk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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