I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
